Even if you and your partner were able to patch things up later, hearing the words “We are breaking up!” from one of your partners during an argument may make you anxious and unhappy. Anxiety is only made worse when it is accompanied by any kind of argument, no matter how slight. We have compiled some helpful advice on what to do in this situation if your partner often acts in this manner.
5 tips on what to do if your partner threatens to break up with every quarrel
1. Think about when it happens
There is a big difference between when a partner talks about a breakup in a calm conversation about a relationship and a situation where feelings are heated to the limit.
Many people say these things in anger, and this is one of the defence mechanisms. They want to regain control over the situation or unconsciously say what they are afraid of.
If parting words are precisely a defence mechanism, then when the partner calms down, he apologizes and sincerely regrets what was said.
In this case, it is worth talking with him about the fact that in a healthy relationship, this model of communication is unacceptable. Think about how to learn to remain calm in conversations and disputes so that this does not happen again. Be sure to listen to your partner and ask how he would be comfortable discussing problems.
2. Don’t ignore the reason why it happens
Most of the time, discussions that reach a breaking point and threaten to end the relationship are a crucial sign of exactly what is wrong with the couple’s relationship. And despite what may seem, the partner is not always at fault.
You could, for instance, be envious of him for no obvious cause, throw tantrums, or attempt to micromanage every aspect of his life. People do not often recognize that this is occurring unless they conduct an introspective examination of their thoughts and deeds. And in this circumstance, the word about breaking ties is pretty normal – very few individuals would feel comfortable next to a partner who does not trust him or attempts to control her every move.
On the other hand, the cause may lie in the partner’s acts and his attitude towards you. This is something to consider. For instance, if a partner feels that an unfulfilled promise is not a basis for conversation, as well as his conduct, which is bothersome for you, you should not address it with that partner. Using words such as “breaking up” is a sign of immaturity and an effort to sidestep accountability in this scenario. It is necessary to carefully consider whether or not it is beneficial to maintain a romantic relationship with an irresponsible individual.
3. Give him time to calm down
Your partner’s statements that he would end the relationship with you might be an effort to set personal limits and divert attention from an argument they are having. This action, for some people, is the only way to stop the conversation and give themselves some time to gather their thoughts.
But, unfortunately, this method infuriates and makes you wonder if your relationship is really important to him.
Agree with your partner about the opportunity to openly talk about the fact that he needs to cool down. For example, he feels he can’t handle his feelings when the fight goes too far. Be patient and try to calm yourself down while he puts his emotions in order.
After such a pause, it will be easier to talk seriously but without threats of breaking up and other words spoken in the heat of the moment.
4. Think if he’s willing to compromise
If a partner says he will break up with you, even during a small quarrel, it is worth considering whether he is ready to build a relationship with you.
Compromise is what helps people stay together even with different habits and views of the world. To do this, you need to be able to yield and not just prove your case.
If a partner is not ready to make concessions or negotiate with you, perhaps the words he wants to leave are true and natural.
In such a situation, you should not try to build relationships. Unwillingness to compromise is often a sign of immaturity, disrespect for a partner, or simply not being ready for a relationship.
5. Resist manipulation
Dealing with manipulation requires an emotionless approach and an analytical mindset. You mustn’t accept the guilt that the manipulator may impose on you and that you do not demonstrate that his comments cause you distress.
For instance, you may state that you would consider what he says before stopping the discussion. You, therefore, imitate the dangerous behaviour of a spouse. And if he were serious about not leaving you, he would be concerned about your choice in this situation. In addition, he, like you, will have the opportunity to sort out his emotions and behaviours in his own time.
Saying anything along the lines of “I see that you are attempting to control me,” is another powerful technique to put an end to manipulation. This causes the partner to get perplexed since he will be at a loss for words when faced with such a remark. In the end, he will either persist in insisting on his particular method of doing things or change the manner that he communicates.