Your genuine intention to be kind and considerate toward other people can work against you in many situations. It’s possible that you don’t understand the simple difference between being willing to help and being unable to organize your goals effectively. It is not selfish to prioritize one’s well-being and requirements. To be able to approach the division of one’s resources reasonably, every person must possess this fundamental ability. If you do not have it, you risk allowing yourself to be a people-pleaser, devoting all of your time and energy to other people and giving in to things you do not want.
You need to change both the way you think and act if, in general, you are not eager to try for other people while equally forgetting about yourself. We have compiled a few ways to help you stop being a people-pleaser.
5 ways to stop being a people-pleaser
1. Stop feeling responsible for the well-being of others
Each individual is accountable for their own happiness and the provision of favorable conditions in which to live. Stop taking responsibility for someone else’s fate. If you say no to a person’s request, he will look for another person to get what he wants. You are not an extreme person, and the health and happiness of other people are not in any way dependent on you.
The conviction that only you can make a positive difference in another person’s life might fuel your desire to agree to the assistance that will be a burden to you. This can negatively affect your state of affairs and fuel your willingness to accept to help that will be a burden to you. Put aside your pride and realize that people are perfectly capable of resolving their problems on their own or by seeking the assistance of another person. You make yourself an easy target to be a people pleaser when you believe in your own uniqueness and assume responsibility for the actions of others.
2. Start saying no to those people
If you are someone who can always be counted on, you may find that other people take advantage of your generosity. This is not an accusation but rather a statement of the truth: if you do not know how to say “no,” then everyone who is not lazy will naturally turn to you for help. This is not an assertion but rather a statement of fact. You should not exculpate yourself of responsibility by imagining that your interlocutor is obligated to recognize your clues or to understand that you do not wish to or simply do not have the time to fulfill his request. Instead, you should take total rights for your actions and not remove yourself from responsibility. It is impossible to make someone more empathic and attentive against their will, and he should not change his behavior for you either. You must take action.
There is only one answer to the problem, and that is for you to learn how to decline offers from other people. It is challenging and embarrassing, and there may be times when people continue to pressure you or accuse you of being selfish, but you must insist on your own priorities. This talent will come in handy on multiple occasions in the future.
Explain the reasoning for your response if you are embarrassed by the prospect of saying “no” or are concerned that doing so would damage your relationship with the other person. Include that you have already committed to certain plans that cannot be changed or that you have already agreed to assist another person. In this scenario, it will be simpler for you to say no to something you do not want to do or are unable to perform. In addition, your interlocutor will not doubt in his mind that you would gladly assist him if the situation were different.
3. Follow the rule that states you are responsible first for yourself, then for others
It’s a painful truth, but the fact nonetheless: if you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will. No matter how much assistance you provide to the people in your immediate environment, you will not receive the necessary level of support from them. Get used to the idea that you are your only resource and figure out how to set priorities appropriately.
First and foremost, carry out the duties assigned to you: satisfy your requirements, materialize your ideas, and implement your own objectives. And only after that should you offer to assist other people if you still have the time, energy, or desire to do so. Because all of these resources might be used up, having them divided up in such a manner is of the utmost importance. Because you have a certain amount of time in a day, energy, and other resources, it is not a good idea to waste them without giving them any thought.
When you have provided the essential support to everyone around you, you may reach a moment where you realize that you no longer have any resources for yourself after reaching that stage. Putting yourself first will help you avoid this situation. Always remember that the golden rule goes “first you, then someone else.” Whenever an immediate need arises for you to help a loved one, you can make an exception for that person.
4. Do not allow anyone to treat you with disrespect
Some people are willing to go to great lengths in order to accomplish what it is they want. Sometimes they will rudely treat you, pressure you while you make decisions, demand particular activities, resort to blackmail, and engage in other forms of manipulation. When you give in to their demands more frequently, they will gradually increase the amount that they want from you.
Stop allowing other people to treat you disrespectfully. Do not prioritize your relationships with people like that over your own pride. The secret to being someone who does not give other people permission to take advantage of you is to understand your value and not place a great deal of value in what other people say or think about you.
5. When making decisions, don’t let a sense of responsibility influence you
You must gain the ability to make decisions based on your interests, needs, opportunities, and other factors if you wish to live the life you envision for yourself. Individuals around you may be taking advantage of you if you are always acting under the burden of a sense of responsibility or guilt. After all, it is sufficient for them to convince you that you owe something and that you wish to escape the performance of your duty in order to accomplish their goal.
The conviction that you are an ungrateful person who is willing to let other people down for the sake of your interests, dash their hopes and dreams, and rob them of the opportunity to carry out their plans is what will drive you to make sacrifices for yourself.
If you do not make the conscious decision to rid yourself of a feeling of obligation, you will never be able to develop into a person who is free and independent. Realize that you are not responsible for anyone else’s behavior and that you should base all of your decisions on your own requirements rather than the wishes of other individuals. If you want to help, then help; however, if someone attempts to convince you that, for some reason, you are required to do it, then you should not waste your time or energy on the person who is trying to convince you of this false responsibility.